I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Randomize
