So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
we're making bets on your personal life
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
