i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just google imaged poop.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
please come you make the beer taste better
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
