take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
