mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
