I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
