By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
