If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
