"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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