Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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