I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
