there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I need a burrito and a hug.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
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