I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
