I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I will be naked everywhere
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
