Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Randomize
