Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
