I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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