His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
