Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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