By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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