In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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