She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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