She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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