She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
