That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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