dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
