i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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