Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
