As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
