I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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