U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dicks are not precious.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
