Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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