I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
