Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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