shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
