If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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