C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
