i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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