I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
