you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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