she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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