Someone shit on the floor
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I came so hard my ears popped.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
