official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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