as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
