Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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