IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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