When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
