Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm sobbing to NWA
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
