we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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