Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
