Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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