ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
im six kinds of drunk right now
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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