she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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