Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
