Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
